“Worlds slowest sprint” according to Swanny.  Plus Wilko attempts psychic communication.

Col Maciver, with help from Swanny, has formulated a new handicap/grading schedule for 2012 which includes a variety of arcane rules for the scratch group depending on the presence or absence of Iron Mick Hoult, the wind direction, the phase of the moon and the gradient of colour in Wilko’s zoroastrian aura.

The handicap sent “Ralph” Rubie off on his lonesome with Ray Phillips, Jackie Weston and Jack Parker 3 minutes behind.  At a further 3 minutes were Mark “Mother” Jones, Chicka Russell and Bob Murison.  Five minutes behind them Ross Burgess, Dave Jenner, Mark Haydon, Freya Weston and Holly Harris.  At 4 behind them Peter “Captain” Creagan, Phil “Keglegs” Thomas, Dene Bourke and Ice Cold Billy Mara.

Seven minutes behind them were Andrew “Swanny” Swan, Col Maciver, Rob Tindale, Lachie McPhie, Peter “Wilko” Wilkinson, Bob Weston and Jason “Knobbies” Blanch.  The Scratch group were Sam “The Jennerator” Jenner, Harrison “H” Munday, Brent “Best” Weston, Andrew “Kirkie” Kirk and Dave Munday, 5 minutes behind block.  According to the arcane calculations, if Iron Mick Hoult had been present the scratch group would have been penalised another 2 minutes, unless there was a full moon, in which case it would have been 3 minutes.  We are unsure as to whether these need to be revised with the knowledge that Nick Myhill introduced Iron Mick to bourbon at his bucks party.  The resulting shenanigans apparently included 2AM service station pies which may well put Iron Mick into Ralph territory.

Ralph battled the wind and stayed ahead until the turn around but the writing was on the wall – the groups had come together on the trip out and were riding as a single, massive bunch ahead of the scratch group.  Despite throwing everything he had at the bike, the catch came just outside Petersons.  Lachie McPhie attempted an escape at this point but was caught by the strength of the bunch.  As the group sped up approaching the line various riders slowly detached including Holly Harris.  Wilko, unaware of her absence, continued to give her advice throughout the final part of the race presumably via some paranormal communication associated with his aura.

The final sprint was one of attrition with Rob Tindale the last man, er, sprinting.  “Knobbies” Blanch went out hard but too early and was swamped.  Col Maciver brought home second place (hmmm, better keep tweaking that handicap Col!) and Bob Weston in third place.

Fastest time of the day went to Harrison “H” Munday who managed to put 200 metres into the rest of scratch but didn’t quite have the legs to catch the main group on the finish line.