Ugly helmet? Ugly Head? The Armidale Bicycle Centre can fix it with a bargain LAS helmet that’ll fool everybody you’ve got style.
Now that magpie season is almost over, you know your fellow cyclists are looking with derision at that beaten up Stack Hat you’ve been using as a skid lid for the last 15 years. The bright yellow plastic is a faded brown, the white polystyrene innards smell like that time you left half a carton of milk on the kitchen table and went on holidays. It’s ugly, it’s covered in battle scars and children point and laugh at it. Worst of all, the Australian Standards sticker is long gone and it’s no longer race legal.
So the Armidale Bicycle Centre has come to the rescue with the fabulous offer of 50% off their floor stock of LAS helmets. That’s right, beautiful Italian style starting at just $100 and up.
Imagine the looks and jealous stares on Sunday morning as you sidle up for the club ride with your new LAS helmet. Your teeth will automatically whiten, birds will sing, it will never rain or be windy and the beautiful lightweight construction of the LAS helmet will style your hair into gentle, silky curls. If you lack hair, your head will emerge as a polished Pantani like thing of wonder. Your climbing will improve because the LAS helmets weigh less than the straps on that disgusting brain bucket you’re currently sporting.
Pick up a LAS helmet and you just know Merckx and Cipollini would have worn one if they hadn’t been paid to wear something else. Bernard Hinault wears one to bed in between biffing spectators, Contador would never have tested positive if he wore a better quality helmet and the Schleck brothers secretly wear theirs on midnight rides in Luxembourg when they’re out cruising for ladies. If Cadel Evans had one, his head wouldn’t be permanently attached to his left shoulder as he gets dropped in the Pyrenees. Truly, the LAS helmet range is a thing of wonder and we can thank the Armidale Bicycle Centre for taking pity on poor mortals and stocking them, let alone selling them for 50% off.
So, don’t walk, run to the centre tomorrow with your card extended, drop to your knees and beg Bullo to anoint your unworthy lump of a scabby, dandruff encrusted and lumpen scone with something stylish to cover it up properly and spare us the sight of it. Please.
While you’re there, Bullo has cooked up the sweetest little single speed bike he’s hiding at the back of the shop. It is extremely affordable, beautifully built and saves you the trouble of failing to get the chain line right on that old rusty death trap you’ve been trying to single speed by yourself. Brilliant for whizzing to the shops or riding to work without having to get head-to-foot lycra’d and perfect for summer.